I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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