So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
