I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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