I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
