just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
