guys are only as good as the porn they watch
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
