I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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