he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
