Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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