you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
