my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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