I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
