When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
