just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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