its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
