I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
