You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
