what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
