Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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