You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
