Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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