Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
