He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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