Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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