I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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