you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize