Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
