she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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