I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need water and some morals
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
