i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
