im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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