When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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