Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
