I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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