How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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