in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
