these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
