Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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