no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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