i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
