I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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