I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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