Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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