Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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