Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
