I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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