I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
