he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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