My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
