did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
