I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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