I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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