the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
