i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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