well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
