My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
