"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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