I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
