Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
