One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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