I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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