Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
that is very illegal...i love you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
