Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
