If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
