I didn't shave. On purpose
i need an iv and a liver transplant
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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