I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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