she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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