my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
